Maggie's Musings

Remember the good old days when if you were on the phone with someone and you were angry, you could get your point across with a good slam of the phone?  Not the same with these new phones.  Your basic cordless phone just has the one power button that beeps.  ”Yeah… well, f*ck you!” [beep]  Not the same.  There’s only so much anger you can take out on a tiny innocent little button.

On my iPhone , it’s even worse.  The touch-screen doesn’t make any noise at all.  Ever try and hang up with one gentle quiet finger tap when you really feel like flinging the whole phone into a brick wall?  Not easy.

Personally, I’d like to at least see an app where if you hit a button while you’re talking, it makes a hangup sound effect for the other person to hear.  They’ll still shake in their boots while you don’t have to worry about getting strange looks from people around you (as for what you do with that brick wall… well, that’s between you and the wall.  None of my business – I’m not getting in the middle of that).

And while I’m on the subject of things of yesteryear I miss, remember the days before E-Z-Pass when you would toss a token (or a pile of change) into a wire basket at a toll booth.  When I was little, that was my favorite part of a road trip with my parents.  I guess at a young age, I thought my dad was playing basketball while driving, and he was one basket away from us finally getting out to the Hamptons.  I don’t know, but I loved the sound it made.  Now I can’t even bring myself to sign up for E-Z-Pass.

I don’t know what processed me to say all that.  Just some random things on my mind that I needed to get out.  Anyway, do you agree?

No, that’s not a typo…  and yes, I’m serious.  Until recently, as a New Yorker, I saw Times Square as a place to be avoided at all costs.  First, here’s the mob of tourists who take up the whole sidewalk taking pictures (because there’s no bright lights and buildings over three stories tall where they’re from) and don’t understand the meaning of “Excuse me” or “Get the f*** out of my way!”  I like helping the occasional clueless tourist – I just don’t like feeling like I’m playing a live-action version of Space Invaders where I have to dodge these crowds just to walk two blocks in less than 30 minutes.  Then, if it’s not the tourists, it’s the street vendors.  God forbid should you slow down slightly to look at a sketch a vendor drew – the rapid-fire sales pitch is not far behind.  ”You like?  I can give you good deal!  Only five dollar!”  Hmm… I have no job and no money – a free sketch would be a great deal!  Apparently, it’s also the best way to get these vendors to shut up.  Thank god for museums – at least there, I can look at pictures in peace.

By now, you’re probably wondering where the peace and tranquility come in.  The other night, I was handing out fliers near a section of Broadway that was closed off to traffic.  It seems the city decided to turn it into a public lounge and filled the entire block with chairs and chaises.  Anyway, after a couple of grueling hours of fliering to the Times Square crowd, I decided to take a break and check out this lounge idea.  I sat down on one of the chaises and, for the first time, I really looked around at the glittering billboards for Broadway shows, the New Year’s Eve ball and all the other little things that make Times Square what it is – including all those other people sitting around doing the same thing.  With no one bothering me, for once, I actually took the time to appreciate it like a tourist who has never been to NYC would and was able to soak up all this positive energy.

It was a shame that I couldn’t stay long though, as I still had work to do.  I still may not be a huge fan of crowds or pushy vendors, but I was reminded why I love New York City so much.

Wow… I never thought I’d ever start my own blog!  I didn’t think my life is interesting enough for people to want to follow day-by day.  Lately, though, I’ve been thinking – if people like Jessica Simpson and Tori Spelling can have their own reality shows just by being themselves, then maybe my having a blog isn’t such a bad idea.  The only think missing is those annoying animated ads that pop up on TV during your favorite show (mainly because I lack the financial and technical resources to do so).

So… to let you know a little bit about me: my name’s Maggie, and I live in Brooklyn, NY with my husband, S. and my cat.  I’m a standup comic in NYC (albeit, one in need of a day job), and I’m also writing a children’s book.  I figure this blog will be a good way to sharpen my writing skills.  Other than that, it’s just about what’s going on in my head.  Some posts will be angry rants, others will be serious and thoughtful, and other silly and whimsical.